27 days 14 hours 47 minutes...but who's counting!!?

Alrighty so I'm feeling a little weird today - but it's all okay.  I'm going to be just fine.

Yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown because I was really thinking about all the changes that would take place -all the things I might miss - all the good things that will happen - the risks, etc. that are associated with the surgery.

It all started when my mom emailed me asking if I'd need anything after the surgery and to let her know so that she could request the time off.  I was about to tell her that I'd need her to take me to the surgery and that my husband would pick me up.  And then I thought - well what if I don't make it? Who do I want to see last? Morbid right? But a total possibility. A slim possibility - but one nonetheless.

Speaking of slim- what if the surgery doesn't work?  I just read a horror story from another OH member who had her stomach stapled in the 80's; a failed surgery in mexico and another surgery - and she's still not losing weight.  All the issues are still there - some of the weight is gone - but the underlying feelings of failure and depression are still there- I can tell.

Which is why I just made a call to my potential therapist.  That is going to be crucial in this process.  Getting all these feelings and emotions worked out so I can truly accept the new me.  Often times I've wondered if that's why people fail at the surgery - or why they gain the weight back.  Is it because they aren't comfortable with their skinny selves?  Is it because they're afraid of who they may have become since "the change".

Those are my fears.  It's been seeping through in my dreams as of late - but dreams are just dreams.  Or at least that's what I say about the ones that I don't want to come true. :)

Anywho...just another random unfinished babble session.  Thanks for listening.

Surgery Approved!

I found out on Friday that my insurance approved my surgery and I'm set for September 27th.  Which is about 29 days, 12 hours and 45 minutes away. While I'm really thrilled - why am I so nervous?? Oh yeah because it's a major surgery and I could die. And it might not work.  And it's irreversible. And...I've never had surgery before.  Never- not even a little one.  So that's a little nerve racking. :) I'll be fine though...you'll see.

Today's my first day without any coffee.  Why did I pick a Monday to start this? No really - why?  And why is it I'm totally fine without coffee on the weekend and I'm able to get up around 7 a.m. and get on with the day - but when it comes to me going to work - I need coffee and to sleep in till about 10 a.m.  It sucks.

So I'm yawning and I feel like I'm half in and half out of a coma - but I'm typing so that makes it seem like I'm working. Occasionally I print something - anything really even a blank sheet of paper - which is the best so you don't waste toner- just to give the full effect of a diligent employee.

I should buy my vitamins and stuff today. 

I'm litterally thinking out loud...or thinking out-blog. Ha ha.  Okay that wasn't funny. 

Okay - back to "work".

Waiting...

So I've nothing to do right now but wait.  Wait until the 15th for my nutrition appointment.  Wait long enough before I bug Ben at the surgeons office about submitting my info to the insurance company. Wait until they approve me.  Wait until the 8th to visit the hospital and do the first (of many) support groups. Wait until the 27th when I hopefully have surgery.

I suppose while I'm waiting I could:

Continue to lose those nasty 20lbs I'm supposed to lose
Practice how I'm supposed to eat
Sip some water
Go for a walk
Window shop online for a spiffy dress to inspire me even more
Write more on my bog...check
Imagine what it will be like to be skinny and healthy
Make a list of things I want to do when I'm skinny.....it's such a long list
Wonder what my friends will think when they start noticing I'm losing weight
Watch youtube videos of VSG's that DIDN'T go so well - it's always good to know what could happen - good bad or otherwise
Watch youtube videos of VSG's that DID go well.
More online virtual shopping
Daydream about getting pregnant and having a health happy baby
More online virtual shopping for baby clothes....I do that already. :)
Make a wishlist of things on Amazon I'll need before, during, and after surgery

So all that should take about a day and a half...then I'm back to waiting.  I want to be an "after" already!!!
I worry that I'm so impatient that it will cause me to have set backs.  Hopefully not. :)

....but I can't wait!!!

More random babblings

After meeting with the therapist

Video Blog 2

After the Seminar with Dr. Zare

Yay!

Video Blog 1 =)

Video Babbling =)

Scheduled....kind of!

Yesterday I went to Dr. Zare's office (aka most awesomest surgeon ever) for the seminar and got my "To-Do" list before surgery.

To Do:
1.  Meet with Dietician (8/15)
2.  Meet with psychologist (8/5)
3.  Lose 15-20lbs  (working on it)
4.  Submit stuff to insurance company (after all reports are in)
5.  Pre op class/support group and final bloodwork, ekg, etc. (9/8)
6. Surgery date (9/27)

September 27, 2011....that's like soon!!  However, something can always go wrong so I'm being...as always cautiously optimistic. =)