Alrighty so I'm feeling a little weird today - but it's all okay. I'm going to be just fine.
Yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown because I was really thinking about all the changes that would take place -all the things I might miss - all the good things that will happen - the risks, etc. that are associated with the surgery.
It all started when my mom emailed me asking if I'd need anything after the surgery and to let her know so that she could request the time off. I was about to tell her that I'd need her to take me to the surgery and that my husband would pick me up. And then I thought - well what if I don't make it? Who do I want to see last? Morbid right? But a total possibility. A slim possibility - but one nonetheless.
Speaking of slim- what if the surgery doesn't work? I just read a horror story from another OH member who had her stomach stapled in the 80's; a failed surgery in mexico and another surgery - and she's still not losing weight. All the issues are still there - some of the weight is gone - but the underlying feelings of failure and depression are still there- I can tell.
Which is why I just made a call to my potential therapist. That is going to be crucial in this process. Getting all these feelings and emotions worked out so I can truly accept the new me. Often times I've wondered if that's why people fail at the surgery - or why they gain the weight back. Is it because they aren't comfortable with their skinny selves? Is it because they're afraid of who they may have become since "the change".
Those are my fears. It's been seeping through in my dreams as of late - but dreams are just dreams. Or at least that's what I say about the ones that I don't want to come true. :)
Anywho...just another random unfinished babble session. Thanks for listening.
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